You are too inexperienced. You aren’t ready yet. I don’t think you can do it. You are too weak and small.
Those words cut me deep. Like to the core kind of deep. The kind of words that make you so angry and frustrated at yourself that you cry a little bit and wonder what you are doing trying but also the kind that motivate you to prove them wrong.
I admit I’m TOTALLY NOT a jack of all trades or a master at any of them, and I see that I am full of flaws. I know I need practice to understand. In fact, I am aware that I may never get to be as good as the rest. I lack in several areas.
I was determined to prove them wrong, and maybe, that was their intent to begin with. I’m not sure. But what I am sure about is that I, Emily Cooper, went about the situation the wrong way. Why did I see that I had to prove myself and my worth and my abilities to someone else? My worth and my abilities are not what I can do. They are what God can do through me. I plowed persistently through the situation with more determination than ever to prove a point, but I sadly didn’t think about how God could use my inexperience, lack of abilities, and weaknesses to reflect His power using His weak vessel…ME. I was in the “all about me” mode after the hurtful words sunk in. I honestly didn’t seek God in the situation. I need His strength and not my own. Take your eyes off what you think is wrong with you because God can use it. He can use you…but you need to let Him. Don’t run from His calling. Don’t force yourself where you don’t belong. Let Him use you for all your worth since He’s the ONE Who knows your complete worth in the first place. People will speak hurtful words to your face without thinking. I mean, we all do sometimes. But it’s how you go about reacting to the situation…as in you can either pray about it and ask for God’s strength or you can try to do it by yourself. It is so rewarding when you ask for Him to use you and what you may or may not have instead of doing it yourself. You can’t “climb the ladder” alone.
